Each day I’d wake up to him

And hate turned to love

He wasn’t the man of my dreams

But he made my dreams Come true

He taught me how to fight my demons

And every night I slept

And I would experience the nightmares

He was there

Just to hug me tight

Watch me fall asleep peaceful

Sing to me while holding me

And in the morning

I would wake up to him

And he’d prepare breakfast

And warm my water

And make sure I look stunning

He made me believe in life again

Gave me the strength to look at life in a different point

I’d look at his eyes

And get the courage to live another day

To fight one more day

And one more battle

There was hope born

There was light at the end of my dark tunnel

…..

Because I am the story

The story I never wanted to tell

Not even share to anyone

I am the girl born of a woman

A woman raped that night

So I’m that girl born out of wedlock

Raised by a woman who never loved me

I guess she didn’t have an option

Or maybe she wanted to punish that man

That man who caused her so much pain

And so much shame

That man who cut her dreams short

And she couldn’t live fully anymore

And she was forced to get married

To another man

Or maybe it was her choice

To avoid so many fingers pointed at her

But the man she got married to

Was a beast…😢

I was just 12…

A big girl enough to notice changes

And he would creep in at night

And force me to sleep with him

And it went on for years

And the woman I called mum knew

I guess it was still a punishment

To the man who made me become a being

And I had to run

For my life

Because I’ve never understand

What it meant to be loved

I lived a life full of pain

Resentment, hatred,regrets

……..

Until I met him

Its still hard to explain how

Coz I never thought

There was anyone outside here

That would be a little bit caring

I didn’t think I’d look at any man

They are the reason I went through hell

And I’m still in a doubt

You can’t blame me

That has been my life all along

I’m just trying to rewrite my story

A story that was to be untold…..

 

F

or many days I wanted to live in solitude
Emptiness for me was my daily bread
Darkness overtook light in my world
I found comfort in music
Sometimes in books
Pouring my heart in writing
At least I knew they never disappoint
……..
How do you let go
Of the person you loved
Of the people who hurt you
Of that loved one who is no longer part of this world
How do you come to terms with life
When it takes away all the people you love
When you lost your yourself in crowds
Maybe silence was your only partner
And no one seems to understand
Depression overtakes your life
And you still want to fight
But its too much
Dreams are better than real life
You want to sleep forever
Your shadow becomes your closest companion
And each day you try searching your own self
But she’s gone,
And how do you come to terms with reality
And this little thing in your tummy
How will I explain years later
To my child
That s/he was made out of love
Yet her Dad walked out on me
Few months after conception
Because he wasn’t ‘ready’
To become a Daddy
Painful stuff!!!mmh😢😢😢
And how would I teach him
That life doesn’t give us what we want
How would I fill that space
How would I convince him
That men are responsible
And how will I tell him
That his Dad is still roaming around
What type of man will he grow up to be
Coz I didn’t want him to grow up
With full of resentment and hate
I wanted him to grow up
As a responsible man
A man proud of herself
And proud of a she
I wanted him to find love
To appreciate life
To respect her lady in future
To man up and work this out
To be ready for any consequences that follows his choices
And each day I prayed for that little angel inside me
That he will still be proud of me
And that he’ll learn that fathering ain’t easy
It goes way beyond being biological….
……

 

You wonder how I turned out like this

I grew up with too much confusion

And too many voices

My parents wanted me to be like so and so

It was one hell of a place

Why was I not like ‘her’

She was such a darling

She respected her parents

She dressed like a lady

She was one genius girl

She had a shape of a lady

She didn’t go out at night

Or hangout with the crazy..bad boys

She was a church girl

She knew what she wanted in life

And I was a zombie

Not getting in class

Hanging around with guys

Maybe that’s what made me a tomboy

They didn’t really understand what I wanted

Maybe I also didn’t know

And taking those long night walks

Was for my own peace of mind

I never wanted to face my reality

Those arguments and long talks

Never did me any good

And sometimes

Why was I not like ‘him’

He knew how to talk to elders

Never really addressed people rudely

Or just not answer when asked a question

Why didn’t I hang around with him

He was such an handsome guy

Really cool and don’t do drugs

He had a way of making life look lively

He could make a good ‘son in law’

But maybe he wasn’t my type

Maybe I never wanted such a cool guy

I needed one crazy hell of a guy

Because my life was a crazy world

And cool guys couldn’t handle me

I needed one who wasn’t rude

But would at least

Make me understand what I wanted

Not one who listened to mother in laws

And do everything he’s told

But one who had that kinda character

That not even that devilish mother in law

Would change it….

And that’s how my life was

I didn’t have any role model

Not in my mother’s

Nor father’s character

And in growing up

I spent my life

Either alone

Or with ‘bad boys’

I needed hardcore types

And I was more of a tomboy

And I would sleep out most of the time

Just to either prove my parents wrong

Or maybe to stir their anger

Or open their eyes

They needed to see beyond

Their expectations

Reality of life

They needed to understand

My potential

My uniqueness

But they were too busy

Wanting me to be like so and so

And I finally walked out

And you can’t blame me

I didn’t turn out they way they wanted

I couldn’t

I was different

I couldn’t make them proud maybe

But I didn’t turn out badly

I maybe such a hardcore

A pain in the neck

But I made myself proud

I wanted to be me

And that’s what I am

…..

I didn’t loose myself

While trying to find myself

Maybe me walking out was the best decision

And I certainly made it

 

She’s been seeing him every other night
And now it’s becoming an addiction
Every time she promises herself it’s the last time she’s doing this
And just before she places her phone on the table, it beeps
It’s him on WhatsApp again, he has sent her a picture of his abs
A sweet message escorting it and kissing emojis
“Hey love, send me a picture of your boobs and…”
“send me one for the thighs and make the boobs tighter for the cleavage”

She smiles and caresses her erect nipples
Because life is getting sweeter and sweeter
Maybe the poetic charm in his messages is driving her crazy
She opens her phone’s gallery and decrypts his image
Her lips start to tremble when she imagines his lips in hers
The hugging of their tongues and the taste of his
The sweetness in his saliva might leave her wanting more

She checks and admires the latest picture he sent of his penis
The veins are superhot, it’s big and erect
She can feel the oozing of a wet substance between her legs
Because this is different with what her husband offers
She rushes to the bathroom to take a picture of her breasts

“Honey, why take your phone with you in the bathroom?”, her husband asks
“The bulb in here doesn’t work anymore”, she replies
“And I need to shave my pubic hair they’re really disgusting”
She squeezes her breast tight to the chest and takes a picture
She picks the Gillette and makes sure the cookie jar is super clean
She takes a picture of her hot thighs and sends them to him

She finds her hubby in bed, he stands and heads to kiss her
He can’t hold the bull anymore, it has risen to occasion
He gives her a forehead kiss as his hands slip in her T-shirt looking for the nipples
“Babe I am not in the mood”, she nags
“We had sex three weeks ago, what’s up honey?”, he asks
“I said I am not in the mood, am tired we shall talk tomorrow.”, she replies
She heads in the drawer and hands her hubby lotion
“I hope that will do some justice, feel free to masturbate. I will clean the floor tomorrow.”

She lies on the bed and fantasizes about the love making they will have with this other guy tomorrow
The smell of his cologne
The candle lighting in the afternoon, this will be a small heaven
The flowers he promised to bring and a surprise gift
Their thighs clapping as he strokes deeper and deeper to her orgasm
The grinding of their teeth during ecstasy
His touch and the rubbing of his beards on her well shaven pelvis as he licks the pink
This guy is just driving her insane

She dozes off holding her phone next to her heart
She dreams of the big day tomorrow, when the illegal will be legal
Her dreams are now turning wet, do girls have wet dreams?
She turns for a new position and the phone drops to the floor

“Tina! Tina! What is this?”, he asks
She wakes up rubbing her sleepy eyes and drooping eyelids
The husband is holding her phone swiping through her WhatsApp conversation
His body is shaking and his voice has developed some hiccups
She could tell all is not well by the wrath is his voice
He was holding a broomstick on his right hand
She needed a plan pretty fast

 

When I’m grown up enough to become someone’s wife
And free enough to bare him some kids
I’ll be happy enough to make a dream come true
Not a dream of becoming someone’s wife
But a dream of becoming the best mum
The most responsible woman
See, I don’t blame any parent out there
Or any kid out there
Who was born in a rich family
Its the best life one could ever want to live
But I think parents are going wrong
No,I’m damn sure they are
You see, these kids are pampered so much
How will you explain to a 25 year old lady how prepare food for his husband
Or how to wash her own clothes
Or maintain a man in her life
You see, this girl has been brought in an environment
Where she’s been taught to just ask and take
An environment where no roles for her
No duties for her
Only parties
And maybe traveling
And not through buses,or bodaboda
But tinted private cars
And the only people she knows
Are those little ‘bitches’ of her kind
And there language is more of refined
And making friends in her own world means,having people of her class around
And lacking to her is a new vocabulary…..
And how do you explain to a mama’s boy
30 years old enough to depend on himself
But still lives in his mama’s house
And gets everything he asks for,
How to fall in love with a girl
And treat her better
And not tell her to treat him better the way his mother does
Or maybe cook food the way his mother does
Or maybe pamper him the way his mother does
Okay,how on earth would you compare a girl to your mother
How on earth will a lady does things exactly the way your mother does
How long will you sing the same song to your girl about your mama
Don’t you think its kind of irritating, disgusting, disrespectful….. And so on
My point is that it doesn’t matter your status
Your kind of class
But when in a position to mother a child
I’d better teach him both sides of life
No matter how wealthy I am
There are times we can lack
And we they are supposed to be responsible
Understand that its not every time you need something you get it
You should work hard to get somewhere
And people are different
There is life outside there
And you need people of all classes
You need relationship with people from different side of life
Interaction with people is healthy
And so on and so forth…….

And each day, He kept on reminding me
Watch out for the people you associate with
They’ll cling so close
Only to learn how they’ll destroy you
They’ll be closest friends but closest enemies
Learn how to love
But don’t attach yourself to them
Because one day they’ll break your heart
And that will rip off your soul
And they’ll be celebrating behind your back

And he went on and on
He wanted to discipline me
And train me to survive alone
At the same time with people
Laugh with those who laugh with you
Cry with those who cry with you
Help those who are always there for you when you are in your lowest moments
And I came to understand about this life we live
It’s a give-give society
No matter how good you are
They will always celebrate those who do bad
Funny Mmmh.. 😕😕
And as for you your mistakes is what they’ll see
Not your good deeds
And this is the society we live in…
………..
Change to us always seem like a past tense…or rather History…

@truphyshila

Everyday he had this evil smile on his face
Its not that he was a happy man
But he’d been through much in his life
And nothing really made sense to him
He didn’t know the evil and the good
He laughed at the downfall of others
And mourned at the success of people
That was him….
A strange character that made him a prisoner of himself
And each day I passed by..
I pitied him
And I always got this urge to stretch my hand
To look at him in his eyes
And bring him back to the real world
But maybe his was world was better
Maybe it seemed normal to him
But again my conscience will judge me
And so this day I decided I’d say hae
That’s where the step of a long journey began
And funny enough he responded
And he starts narrating his life
And the biggest concern
It was always about people
Its always about people
They broke him up
They betrayed him
They made him live in such a devastated life
And I’m here trying to convince him
To give them one more chance
Just a little bit time
Maybe things we’ll be alright
But deep inside
It dawns on me too
That it might take eternity to ever make him
Come back to his senses
His normal life
Because the road to forgiving
And reconciliation
And forgetting
Needs more than just strength
………