You wonder how I turned out like this

I grew up with too much confusion

And too many voices

My parents wanted me to be like so and so

It was one hell of a place

Why was I not like ‘her’

She was such a darling

She respected her parents

She dressed like a lady

She was one genius girl

She had a shape of a lady

She didn’t go out at night

Or hangout with the crazy..bad boys

She was a church girl

She knew what she wanted in life

And I was a zombie

Not getting in class

Hanging around with guys

Maybe that’s what made me a tomboy

They didn’t really understand what I wanted

Maybe I also didn’t know

And taking those long night walks

Was for my own peace of mind

I never wanted to face my reality

Those arguments and long talks

Never did me any good

And sometimes

Why was I not like ‘him’

He knew how to talk to elders

Never really addressed people rudely

Or just not answer when asked a question

Why didn’t I hang around with him

He was such an handsome guy

Really cool and don’t do drugs

He had a way of making life look lively

He could make a good ‘son in law’

But maybe he wasn’t my type

Maybe I never wanted such a cool guy

I needed one crazy hell of a guy

Because my life was a crazy world

And cool guys couldn’t handle me

I needed one who wasn’t rude

But would at least

Make me understand what I wanted

Not one who listened to mother in laws

And do everything he’s told

But one who had that kinda character

That not even that devilish mother in law

Would change it….

And that’s how my life was

I didn’t have any role model

Not in my mother’s

Nor father’s character

And in growing up

I spent my life

Either alone

Or with ‘bad boys’

I needed hardcore types

And I was more of a tomboy

And I would sleep out most of the time

Just to either prove my parents wrong

Or maybe to stir their anger

Or open their eyes

They needed to see beyond

Their expectations

Reality of life

They needed to understand

My potential

My uniqueness

But they were too busy

Wanting me to be like so and so

And I finally walked out

And you can’t blame me

I didn’t turn out they way they wanted

I couldn’t

I was different

I couldn’t make them proud maybe

But I didn’t turn out badly

I maybe such a hardcore

A pain in the neck

But I made myself proud

I wanted to be me

And that’s what I am

…..

I didn’t loose myself

While trying to find myself

Maybe me walking out was the best decision

And I certainly made it

 

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