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or many days I wanted to live in solitude
Emptiness for me was my daily bread
Darkness overtook light in my world
I found comfort in music
Sometimes in books
Pouring my heart in writing
At least I knew they never disappoint
……..
How do you let go
Of the person you loved
Of the people who hurt you
Of that loved one who is no longer part of this world
How do you come to terms with life
When it takes away all the people you love
When you lost your yourself in crowds
Maybe silence was your only partner
And no one seems to understand
Depression overtakes your life
And you still want to fight
But its too much
Dreams are better than real life
You want to sleep forever
Your shadow becomes your closest companion
And each day you try searching your own self
But she’s gone,
And how do you come to terms with reality
And this little thing in your tummy
How will I explain years later
To my child
That s/he was made out of love
Yet her Dad walked out on me
Few months after conception
Because he wasn’t ‘ready’
To become a Daddy
Painful stuff!!!mmh😢😢😢
And how would I teach him
That life doesn’t give us what we want
How would I fill that space
How would I convince him
That men are responsible
And how will I tell him
That his Dad is still roaming around
What type of man will he grow up to be
Coz I didn’t want him to grow up
With full of resentment and hate
I wanted him to grow up
As a responsible man
A man proud of herself
And proud of a she
I wanted him to find love
To appreciate life
To respect her lady in future
To man up and work this out
To be ready for any consequences that follows his choices
And each day I prayed for that little angel inside me
That he will still be proud of me
And that he’ll learn that fathering ain’t easy
It goes way beyond being biological….
……

 

Each day I’d wake up to him

And hate turned to love

He wasn’t the man of my dreams

But he made my dreams Come true

He taught me how to fight my demons

And every night I slept

And I would experience the nightmares

He was there

Just to hug me tight

Watch me fall asleep peaceful

Sing to me while holding me

And in the morning

I would wake up to him

And he’d prepare breakfast

And warm my water

And make sure I look stunning

He made me believe in life again

Gave me the strength to look at life in a different point

I’d look at his eyes

And get the courage to live another day

To fight one more day

And one more battle

There was hope born

There was light at the end of my dark tunnel

…..

Because I am the story

The story I never wanted to tell

Not even share to anyone

I am the girl born of a woman

A woman raped that night

So I’m that girl born out of wedlock

Raised by a woman who never loved me

I guess she didn’t have an option

Or maybe she wanted to punish that man

That man who caused her so much pain

And so much shame

That man who cut her dreams short

And she couldn’t live fully anymore

And she was forced to get married

To another man

Or maybe it was her choice

To avoid so many fingers pointed at her

But the man she got married to

Was a beast…😢

I was just 12…

A big girl enough to notice changes

And he would creep in at night

And force me to sleep with him

And it went on for years

And the woman I called mum knew

I guess it was still a punishment

To the man who made me become a being

And I had to run

For my life

Because I’ve never understand

What it meant to be loved

I lived a life full of pain

Resentment, hatred,regrets

……..

Until I met him

Its still hard to explain how

Coz I never thought

There was anyone outside here

That would be a little bit caring

I didn’t think I’d look at any man

They are the reason I went through hell

And I’m still in a doubt

You can’t blame me

That has been my life all along

I’m just trying to rewrite my story

A story that was to be untold…..

 

She’s been seeing him every other night
And now it’s becoming an addiction
Every time she promises herself it’s the last time she’s doing this
And just before she places her phone on the table, it beeps
It’s him on WhatsApp again, he has sent her a picture of his abs
A sweet message escorting it and kissing emojis
“Hey love, send me a picture of your boobs and…”
“send me one for the thighs and make the boobs tighter for the cleavage”

She smiles and caresses her erect nipples
Because life is getting sweeter and sweeter
Maybe the poetic charm in his messages is driving her crazy
She opens her phone’s gallery and decrypts his image
Her lips start to tremble when she imagines his lips in hers
The hugging of their tongues and the taste of his
The sweetness in his saliva might leave her wanting more

She checks and admires the latest picture he sent of his penis
The veins are superhot, it’s big and erect
She can feel the oozing of a wet substance between her legs
Because this is different with what her husband offers
She rushes to the bathroom to take a picture of her breasts

“Honey, why take your phone with you in the bathroom?”, her husband asks
“The bulb in here doesn’t work anymore”, she replies
“And I need to shave my pubic hair they’re really disgusting”
She squeezes her breast tight to the chest and takes a picture
She picks the Gillette and makes sure the cookie jar is super clean
She takes a picture of her hot thighs and sends them to him

She finds her hubby in bed, he stands and heads to kiss her
He can’t hold the bull anymore, it has risen to occasion
He gives her a forehead kiss as his hands slip in her T-shirt looking for the nipples
“Babe I am not in the mood”, she nags
“We had sex three weeks ago, what’s up honey?”, he asks
“I said I am not in the mood, am tired we shall talk tomorrow.”, she replies
She heads in the drawer and hands her hubby lotion
“I hope that will do some justice, feel free to masturbate. I will clean the floor tomorrow.”

She lies on the bed and fantasizes about the love making they will have with this other guy tomorrow
The smell of his cologne
The candle lighting in the afternoon, this will be a small heaven
The flowers he promised to bring and a surprise gift
Their thighs clapping as he strokes deeper and deeper to her orgasm
The grinding of their teeth during ecstasy
His touch and the rubbing of his beards on her well shaven pelvis as he licks the pink
This guy is just driving her insane

She dozes off holding her phone next to her heart
She dreams of the big day tomorrow, when the illegal will be legal
Her dreams are now turning wet, do girls have wet dreams?
She turns for a new position and the phone drops to the floor

“Tina! Tina! What is this?”, he asks
She wakes up rubbing her sleepy eyes and drooping eyelids
The husband is holding her phone swiping through her WhatsApp conversation
His body is shaking and his voice has developed some hiccups
She could tell all is not well by the wrath is his voice
He was holding a broomstick on his right hand
She needed a plan pretty fast

 

Everyday he had this evil smile on his face
Its not that he was a happy man
But he’d been through much in his life
And nothing really made sense to him
He didn’t know the evil and the good
He laughed at the downfall of others
And mourned at the success of people
That was him….
A strange character that made him a prisoner of himself
And each day I passed by..
I pitied him
And I always got this urge to stretch my hand
To look at him in his eyes
And bring him back to the real world
But maybe his was world was better
Maybe it seemed normal to him
But again my conscience will judge me
And so this day I decided I’d say hae
That’s where the step of a long journey began
And funny enough he responded
And he starts narrating his life
And the biggest concern
It was always about people
Its always about people
They broke him up
They betrayed him
They made him live in such a devastated life
And I’m here trying to convince him
To give them one more chance
Just a little bit time
Maybe things we’ll be alright
But deep inside
It dawns on me too
That it might take eternity to ever make him
Come back to his senses
His normal life
Because the road to forgiving
And reconciliation
And forgetting
Needs more than just strength
………

Those Crazy moments…….

I don’t know how I came to notice him
Looks turned out to be smiles
Smiles turned to Haee’s
Haee’s turned to friendship
Each time I passed that lane
I felt goosebumps
I wanted to see more of him
That habit turned to IT
I just hoped this time
The looks won’t be deceptive

He reminded me of a soul
A one beautiful soul
Someone special
And I wanted to love him more
To have more of his time
More of his presence
More of his smiles
More and….of him
And that’s how it all began
A love story to be told……….

©truphythepoet

Each day I’m touched by the incidents, that happen to me or other people. I’ve got this habit of learning people’s feelings and emotions to life or other issues. I meet different people each day with different characters. There are those in high positions and are really humble and those full of pride, there are others who are always willing to help even though they don’t have enough, others are quick to forgive even when you are the one who wronged.
Something else, we tend to take people for granted when we have them around us. Not because we don’t love them, we just take those moments so lightly and normal. If we as humans were in a position to know what will happen tomorrow then, some of us would have been better persons and some of us would have messed up because of the fear of tomorrow.
And so at some point not knowing about tomorrow is better because it might not do us any good. But the point is don’t take life too seriously or so normal because it’s too short. At one point we will all die and none of us know when or how. So love to the fullest, appreciate those who you love and always remind them. Treasure those little moments. If an opportunity knocks on your please utilize it. Learn to be humble and treat people with respect, judge less. You never know, ‘what goes around comes around ‘
Make mistakes and learn from them,, that’s life maturity. Help if you are in a position to. Love yourself and don’t limit yourself to anything if it’s helpful and you are able to do it. Leave a legacy behind, it’s the most beautiful thing you can do. Put God first ,TOUCH HEARTS and HURT LESS.
#sharingmythoughts
#be you, do

Tell him an still here
Waiting for the love that he promised
The unwavering love
Tell him I’m ain’t broken
Coz I’ve learned it the hard way

Tell him my heart ain’t torn
Into broken pieces
But rather, am much stronger
Coz of the experience
And the pain I’ve gone through

Tell him I’m still a dreamer
Of the eternal love
That I always hoped for
And still believed in
Each and every day.

©truphythepoet